Sample result
Sample notes on an argumentative essay paragraph
Can you look at my second paragraph? The essay argues that schools should start later in the morning.
The paragraph, as submitted
“Teenagers are tired. Many studies show this. Also schools start too early and students cannot focus, which is bad. Therefore schools should start later.”
Notes
- The claim is buried in the last sentence. Could your first sentence state what this paragraph proves?
- “Many studies show this” asks the reader to trust you. Which study, and what did it find? One specific source beats three vague ones.
- “Which is bad” is doing a lot of work. Bad for what: grades, health, safety on the drive to school?
- The sentences are all the same length. Try combining two to show cause and effect.
What William Shakespeare did not do
There is no rewritten paragraph here. Answer the questions above in your next draft and the paragraph will be stronger, and still yours.